Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
