I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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