New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
