Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
