We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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