oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize