im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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