Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
