All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
