Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
