There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
