i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
