glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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