Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
