my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
one might say we're banned from that church
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
