I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
