Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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