Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
