so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
