sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
