It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
