his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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