Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize