Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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