carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
