so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
