Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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