if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
