genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
