Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
