found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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