i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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