It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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