New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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