She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
