Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
