so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
