mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
