you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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