My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
