Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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