bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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