I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
