i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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