and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
