It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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