hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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