Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Randomize
