well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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