you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
