I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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