I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
