Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
