Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
