Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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