I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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