Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
