Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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