Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
