yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
