i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
