plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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