good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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