i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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