Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
