Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
