It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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