i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
