Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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