I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
